Unhinged?

It's a door, just a door. Some of you might recognise it. Some of you will be seeing it quite soon, including me.
I'm not an events person. I don't like crowds of people. I feel lost and out of place and, frankly, usually try to avoid being in those sorts of situations. Maybe you're beginning to see the significance of the door?
It is of course Snods Edge Village Hall door. Where, on September 30th, Andy and I will welcome our guests to our wedding, about 80 of them.

To say I am looking forward to the event is both true and false. It will be good to see so many friends and to be able to celebrate getting married to Andy, to eat nice food and chat to people. I find the thought of being with quite so many of those same people, all at the same time rather less attractive. One thing I really don't want to be is the focus of people's attention, a desire that doesn't sit easily with being the bride. The upshot of this is that I go through periods of being pretty stressed about it all. Andy is very patient and loving with me about it.

So, don't be surprised when I don't dress up for the occasion, I want to feel comfortable, I like casual. I won't be processing anywhere nor posing for photographs. I am looking forward to sitting and having a quiet drink and chat with people and introducing old friends to new friends.

I think it's all amplified by the move too. It's been a big thing for me, coming to live up here. Other than University years in London, I have lived in Huddersfield all my life. It was very familiar and I have some very good and long-standing friends. I know friendships are growing here, but that takes time, as does finding my way about the place. We are living in a house, but it's not our final home, so it all feels a bit temporary, which is unsettling. I haven't a job yet, and although I am registered as a supply teacher, no work has come my way so far. I know it will all work out in the end and deep down, I know I a in the right place with the right person, it's just that right now it's hard to remember that sometimes.

Comments

[Ian]

Rebecca here, (too lazy to go to the loft).

Liz you are surrounded here by many who have lived nowhere else, some who have come from afar and some who have travelled the country.

At the moment you are without your security blanket and everything familiar. You are experiencing pre-nerves, which would be enough in itself, in familiar territory and your move to date has left you cautious.

Your new friendships, their collective experiences and plain old fashioned love, are now in the process of knitting you a new security blanket to wrap yourself in ready for the wonderful times ahead. Relax and enjoy its comfort and as they say everthing will be alright on the day, and thereafter.

[Ian]

Dont feel stressed Liz, its your wedding and you dont have to go if you dont want too.
We can stay away together and you can be the 'babe' in my new car as we drive off in the other direction.
Do you think anyone will notice if we dont go?

[Andy Curtis]

Sorry to be overly technical, but if TL doesn't go, it actually isn't her wedding.

That said, go for it. :)

[Tim the Enchanter]

Could you just confirm who I will be marrying (to whom) on that day?

[Andy Curtis]

Tim, we'll get back to you.

(might be an idea to have a wench on standby)

[Jac]

I'm with you, Liz - about the crowds thing. For me - for a long time - I imagined it was just me - then I got to thinking - (and hearing other folks say) they felt the same too - so I take comfort in the crowd/fear/discomfort thing by telling myself that everyne else feels the same - just that some cover it up better than others... so here's the deal - if you see me looking uncomfortable and awkward you have my permission to whisk me away someplace quiet...and I do the same for you... 'cept - prollies not during the actual ceremony? :-)

[Liz Curtis]

You're on, Jac.

[Rebecca]

In trying to understand this, (which is a little more everyday), am I right in saying that its not about disliking people (which being a needy person I would tend to think the case), its just the numbers of. If this is the case, then it must have to do with one's tolerence of numbers. Do strangers play a key factor?

Is it also about expectations you think that others may have of you or you have of yourself, because surely that again is a common denominator.

All in all, we all have our level and yes I think most of us have a fear. Its just some of us do hide it better than others.

[Liz Curtis]

Basically, Rebecca, I am an introvert. Large numbers of people phase me, the greater the numbers, the more likely I am to feel stressed. I'm not good at small talk and "doing the party" thing, I just feel at a loss, like a fish out of water. Strangely, I can stand up in front of a large number of people and give a talk or do a teaching thing or whatever, but then I have a recognised role which is unequivocal. I enjoy best just chatting to a couple of friends at a time.

[fave sis michelle]

Hi Liz, Im sure you will be fine on your big day, but my other half is the same as you, doesn't like being the focus of attention so that's why we opted for Gretna where no-one knew us except for 9 family member's, oh and the crowd of visitor's that gathered in the blacksmith's shop to watch us being married ( the reverand shouted to them saying they could watch as it was a real ceremony) so we had a crowd of stranger's wishing us well much to Lee's dismay. Honestly just enjoy your day. Also I know I go on but Im like you I uprooted and moved here 135 miles away to be precise and it has taken me a while to settle especially leaving family but as Rebecca say's the security blanket is now forming and everything will turn out right eventually, thank goodness for mobile phone's and computor's to keep in touch with folk's.